she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
