Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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