Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
