I am in a vortex of obligation.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
