I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
