You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
