Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let's paint friendship bongs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
