I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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