They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
