Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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