You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize