I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
