Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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