i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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