This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
