the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
