I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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