did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
