omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
