he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
