Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
