I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dignity is for republicans.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
