So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
