I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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