he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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