On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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