Can i not drive my cunt home
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
