There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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