so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
