Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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