It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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