Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
