Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
