i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
