I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
