he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
