your room smells of hookers.
And success
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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