similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
