her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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