Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
