So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
