I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
