Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
