mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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