I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
