My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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