i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
