I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
