did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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