Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
