He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
