you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
