THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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