What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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