Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
