I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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