I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What a dumb baby whore.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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