sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
