you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well you can't waste a boner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
