I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize