No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
