you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
