...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
