I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
