I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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