I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
