Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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