hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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