I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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