So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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