I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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