my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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