the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
