An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
