Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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